Monday, April 27, 2015

Beta Blockers AKA God's Gift To Everyone with Adrenaline Issues

This month has been stressful, there's no denying it.

The one underlying theme of this month is "Will I ever fucking learn to tone it down?" How is it possible I ALWAYS over do it?

 Now that I'm healing nicely from my breast reduction (there will be a post on this later), I am prepping for my move abroad for my MA. Now, normally, you would think preparing for school wouldn't be THAT big a task and I've also come to realize most people with Chronic Myofascial Pain, Fibromyalgia, Ehlers Danlos, etc. don't ever just MOVE ABORAD.

Sometimes I feel like I'm insane for doing this. Or maybe brilliant. Either way, it requires a lot of god damn meticulous planning. (This will also be a separate post--I'm backed up, I know! I'll be on this coming month.)

But, with my overambitious tendencies, my ability to continue to "over do it" had been in full throttle this month. My calendar was ridiculous. Somehow, I was acquiring multiple doctors appointments every day, on top of every other daily or semi-daily task that needed to be done. My anxiety was getting really bad.

 Sounds silly and trivial, but I promise going from doing literally nothing for two years but laying down and watching The Simpsons to being out all day, every day is A LOT. People don't understand the amount of energy I expend just trying to keep up with everyone and myself, ironically. I started getting cranky (read as: bitchy) and pain kicked in--I hated the world.

I'm getting better at for a few reasons.

Not trying to share my whole life and routine with the world but as you can see, I am starting to schedule myself "BREAK DAYS". No matter what, I am not allowing myself to schedule appointments or do anything overly tasking on these days. The productive part of me hates myself for it, but ultimately I need this. 

Reiki seems like a ridiculous thing to do but calmed me down to the point that when I left I felt like I just took the best nap ever (which is hard to come by when you have chronic pain) and was literally drooling uncontrollably. This isn't something I would do weekly, but probably monthly or just whenever I needed it. 

But, finally to the subject: beta blockers. A few years ago, my therapist suggested I had adrenaline based stress. A lot of people have questions about this with me. The best way I can explain it is because of the stretchiness from the EDS (that effects everything), my veins are so stretchy that when I'm stressed, mad, sad, happy, pretty much feeling anything, my adrenaline runs wild. I am definitely an adrenaline junkie. But my heart rate is also ridiculous. Last time it was taken down at Hopkins, it was 115 and I wasn't even feeling that stressed! 

So, FINALLY, my doctor let me try beta blockers (helps control the adrenaline) and my heart rate has been resting at 81. It doesn't feel as racy and it definitely takes a nice chunk of the edge off. I shockingly have no side effects from it either. #blessed

But, between the reiki, break days and Metoprolol (beta blockers) I am starting to finally calm down. My pain is better. Moving to Europe still feels daunting but not in the way where you'd find me in the corner of my room crying. 

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